so, here's the latest. we had a good, strong, productive talk on wednesday night. we cried, we laughed, we agreed to keep working on it. i have a lot to apologize for. i haven't been a good girlfriend. i haven't even been a good friend. i've been selfish and cruel. and in turn, she also acts cruel towards me. and it hurts us both. so we're working on being FRIENDS first. she's also agreed to come to therapy with me to see if we can work through her anger.
but last night...last night was hard. we agreed to sleep apart for now. and the couch was SO uncomfortable (it's a loveseat) and she told me to get into bed. and then this morning i kissed her on the forehead -- i can't help it. i love her. and she got mad at me for being counterproductive. but she needs to make a stand, dammit! don't tell me to sleep on the couch and then INVITE ME TO BED!
so more tears, more anger this morning. but i hope we're through it.
one thing she says that hurts is, "what if we can't get through it? what if we never kiss again?" and i finally snapped and said to her, "you CANNOT leave me hanging in limbo. you need to say now if you want me to go." and she said, "i want us to get through this."
finally.
i just hope that i can help her to get through this anger and forgive me. i care so so so much about her. i love her. i just need her to see my positive aspects and understand that i'm working so hard on changing the bad.